And so the struggle over gay marriage is heating up again. People keep asking what harm it could possibly do. That’s obvious. It spoils the illusion.

In today’s society, marriage is not the “fundamental building-block of society.” It’s not even a “structure” at all. It’s two people who want to be together, for as long as they do, and within very broad limits they’re welcome to set the terms of their own relationship. Those are the rules we all live by, conservatives as well as liberals. And we have no intention of changing. (Periodic calls to abolish no-fault divorce are complete political non-starters.)

But for a persistent loud minority, that’s not good enough. As long as marriage bears at least a superficial resemblance to its “traditional” form, they can keep telling themselves that, if they just rant and scold long enough, American society will eventually come to its senses and go back to the old days — when the man was the “head,” the woman stayed home and “submitted,” and the children were “cheerful and obedient.”

In the name of tolerance, we have indulged this brain-dead fantasy, secure in the knowledge that they have zero chance of imposing such a ridiculous vision on us. An unfortunate number of people even let themselves get manipulated into thinking that such a vision has value as an “ideal.” But of course, their dream is not harmless. Gay people are deprived of the legal benefits that others are able to attach to their relationships. It’s also not a good idea to ignore people who are dreaming of taking away our basic freedom to control our own relationships.

Gay marriage is the issue on which we finally tell the social reactionaries to sit down and shut up. Whatever value the “traditional family” may once have had, its day is past — and good riddance. There will be no going back. Not now, not ever. We are locking the door. We are burning the bridge.